Today was…well, let’s just say I was not making friends and influencing people.
First, I just didn’t get enough sleep last night. I started reading this article about labiaplasty (Part I, Part II), and, well, it made me think a lot of things, but the main thing was, CAN I GET A VISUAL AID HERE?! I mean, the author goes on and on about “the Barbie” as a labia look and the doctors are talking about different techniques and why theirs is the bet and I just could not envision what all this would actually look like. So, naturally, I Googled it (with one eye closed of course). It wasn’t as bad as I expected…but then of course I had to get out a hand mirror to determine whether or not I need my labia minora amputated. It was already getting late and then somehow, from there, I ended up on STFU Parents, which was a nice change from surgically-altered vulvas, but probably not worth losing an hour of sleep over, delightful as it was.
Anyway, today was the kind of day that you want to handle on a good night’s rest, and, well, in the absence of that, I was kind of a Ragesaurus by this evening. And Eric had had a shitty day too, so there was that. When I got home, I went directly to change into yoga clothes, raged to Eric about my rage for 10 minutes, and then put on a 60-minute flow podcast from Three Dog Yoga.
It was a solid class and though I was still feeling a little anxious about my day, I felt a bit better as it progressed. Toward the end, there were bridge poses (which is basically lying on your back with your hips and pelvis thrust upward) and then the option to do a full wheel (which is when you use your hands to press yourself upward from bridge into a backbend). After a few bridge poses we were instructed to do three more of either bridge or wheel. I haven’t attempted a wheel in more than a year because, well, I think I’m just scarred from being an inflexible person with T-rex arms my whole life, and one attempt was enough to prove that I didn’t have it and I didn’t care. But suddenly, I had a desire to know if I had gotten any closer to being able to do a full wheel.
I positioned my hands and pushed myself up and…I got a little further than I had the last time. (Well, I don’t think I got anywhere last time.) My arms were supporting me and my back was a couple inches off the ground; it was an awesome feeling of accomplishment and I was ready to call it a night with that. But I paused, regrouped, and decided to tried it again…and I got a tiny bit further! This pose opens your heart and back, which was an extra exciting feeling because it was so new for me. (I’ve done heart openers before, but never this one.) Again, I was really excited and proud and all ready to tweet about the fact that I’d lifted myself four inches off the ground in such a manner, but I decided to see if I could straighten my arms on the last one and do the whole thing. So…I took a deep breath and got to where I had been before…AND THEN I PUSHED UP AND DID IT.
So, yoga instructors throw around a lot of kind of hippy-sounding words and phrases: “open your heart”…”let yourself go”…”melllllllt your heart open”…”feel a release.” The kinds of things that can, from time to time, leave even the most open-minded practitioner embarrassed for them. Well, I have to admit tonight that they might be onto something because in that moment in the full wheel pose, I felt the most overwhelming sense of relief that I think I’ve ever felt during a yoga class. After a few breaths, I lowered myself back to the ground and was immediately hit by a huge wave of emotions and powerful sense of release. My breathing increased rapidly (like, to the point where I probably would have made a fantastic phone sex operator) and I felt tears coming to my eyes (which would probably make me a terrible phone sex operator). I couldn’t do much but just lay there like…working it out. When I sat up a few seconds later, I literally felt lighter, like a weight had been lifted off of me. It was like my entire aggravating day had been released from me and I felt like a new person.
Unfortunately, I can’t say the same for Eric; I just heard him cursing at his laptop and then telling Chuck that couldn’t use his computer to write his blog.
I’m off! Have a good night!