Today was…well, let’s just say I was not making friends and influencing people.
First, I just didn’t get enough sleep last night. I started reading this article about labiaplasty (Part I, Part II), and, well, it made me think a lot of things, but the main thing was, CAN I GET A VISUAL AID HERE?! I mean, the author goes on and on about “the Barbie” as a labia look and the doctors are talking about different techniques and why theirs is the bet and I just could not envision what all this would actually look like. So, naturally, I Googled it (with one eye closed of course). It wasn’t as bad as I expected…but then of course I had to get out a hand mirror to determine whether or not I need my labia minora amputated. It was already getting late and then somehow, from there, I ended up on STFU Parents, which was a nice change from surgically-altered vulvas, but probably not worth losing an hour of sleep over, delightful as it was.
Anyway, today was the kind of day that you want to handle on a good night’s rest, and, well, in the absence of that, I was kind of a Ragesaurus by this evening. And Eric had had a shitty day too, so there was that. When I got home, I went directly to change into yoga clothes, raged to Eric about my rage for 10 minutes, and then put on a 60-minute flow podcast from Three Dog Yoga.
It was a solid class and though I was still feeling a little anxious about my day, I felt a bit better as it progressed. Toward the end, there were bridge poses (which is basically lying on your back with your hips and pelvis thrust upward) and then the option to do a full wheel (which is when you use your hands to press yourself upward from bridge into a backbend). After a few bridge poses we were instructed to do three more of either bridge or wheel. I haven’t attempted a wheel in more than a year because, well, I think I’m just scarred from being an inflexible person with T-rex arms my whole life, and one attempt was enough to prove that I didn’t have it and I didn’t care. But suddenly, I had a desire to know if I had gotten any closer to being able to do a full wheel.
I positioned my hands and pushed myself up and…I got a little further than I had the last time. (Well, I don’t think I got anywhere last time.) My arms were supporting me and my back was a couple inches off the ground; it was an awesome feeling of accomplishment and I was ready to call it a night with that. But I paused, regrouped, and decided to tried it again…and I got a tiny bit further! This pose opens your heart and back, which was an extra exciting feeling because it was so new for me. (I’ve done heart openers before, but never this one.) Again, I was really excited and proud and all ready to tweet about the fact that I’d lifted myself four inches off the ground in such a manner, but I decided to see if I could straighten my arms on the last one and do the whole thing. So…I took a deep breath and got to where I had been before…AND THEN I PUSHED UP AND DID IT.
So, yoga instructors throw around a lot of kind of hippy-sounding words and phrases: “open your heart”…”let yourself go”…”melllllllt your heart open”…”feel a release.” The kinds of things that can, from time to time, leave even the most open-minded practitioner embarrassed for them. Well, I have to admit tonight that they might be onto something because in that moment in the full wheel pose, I felt the most overwhelming sense of relief that I think I’ve ever felt during a yoga class. After a few breaths, I lowered myself back to the ground and was immediately hit by a huge wave of emotions and powerful sense of release. My breathing increased rapidly (like, to the point where I probably would have made a fantastic phone sex operator) and I felt tears coming to my eyes (which would probably make me a terrible phone sex operator). I couldn’t do much but just lay there like…working it out. When I sat up a few seconds later, I literally felt lighter, like a weight had been lifted off of me. It was like my entire aggravating day had been released from me and I felt like a new person.
Unfortunately, I can’t say the same for Eric; I just heard him cursing at his laptop and then telling Chuck that couldn’t use his computer to write his blog.
I’m off! Have a good night!
{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }
Yeaaaaa for urdva dhanurasana!!!!! So proud of you!! Keep it up and remember to always go into the pose warm…and slow! I bet the labiaplasty surgeons would benefit from the same advice ; )
I am sitting here literally laughing OUT LOUD at your post So many times I have done a yoga podcast and just felt like I’m not into it enough or I’m lacking in spirituality or something because they say these moving spiritual things, and all I’m thinking is “come the fuck on, I can literally only hold this for 3 more seconds” but when that one time comes and you’re truly feeling all of the cheesy things they say. Ahhh, I feel you Rach,
greetingsfromnolandia.blogspot.com
Congrats! I’ve gotten so much more into yoga lately to deal with stress. I was SO cynical when I started doing (don’t know if I’ll ever say practicing) yoga a few years ago, but now I *love* all the hippy-dippy shit. And would love to do a full wheel someday.
Theodora recently posted..DC RNR Half Training: Week 3 Recap
Ah! That’s awesome. My yoga sesh last night was just proof how far I still have to go… Like, the night ended with Josh putting icy-hot gel on my achy back. Sexayyy. But, seriously, congrats!
Amanda recently posted..Noms 01.28.2013
Yoga can be so awkward sometimes, but all the hippy dippy sayings usually all turns out to be true! Those heart openers can totally affect you. I do Bikram yoga a couple of times a week (mixed in with vinyasa and barre classes) and whenever I do camel, it’s crazy. (Camel – where you stand on your knees and lean back) is a great bridge pose substitute, I feel like, because you have more stability with your legs. It relies less on arm strength, at a weird angle, no less)
awesome work on the wheel, girlfriend! one of my yoga instructors would actually warn us after doing a lot of heart openers that you may cry after… so your experience totally makes sense!
Yaaaay for wheel! Such a great pose. Oh man this was too funny. I think I should document my first experience with the hand mirror after delivering Z…(talk about one eye closed…)
Sarah Crowder (punctuated with food) recently posted..introducing baby to herbs and spices
I am giggling at your post. I’ve read those articles many times (or articles similar) and had conversations about that same procedure in women’s studies classes when discussing FGM.
deva by definition recently posted..Is There Pressure to Eat a Certain Way?
I admit, I kind of love the hippy-dippy part of yoga class. And by “kind of” I actually mean: I love that shit. I get that not everyone is into it, though.
Wheel is aaah-mazing. It probably took me 6 months before I had the guts to do it. I was afraid my week arms would collapse and I’d fall on my head! But now it’s my favorite, because of that huge rush it gives. Especially doing a few in a row makes me feel on top of the world. I often wonder if it releases some of the same hormones that an orgasm does. Seriously.
(Also, I just left a comment on your Color Me Rouge article, because the one comment there made me f’ing twitch. Twitch twitch.)
emily hassman recently posted..Beginning a meditation practice.
“I often wonder if it releases some of the same hormones that an orgasm does. Seriously.” You said it so I didn’t have to. :)
Also, I was wondering if that comment was spam or something because it was kiiiiind of ridiculous.
Great post! I have been embracing more yoga in my life and really loving it. I worry about coming off hippy dippy, but the reality is I am more content recently, less prone to comparing myself to others and judging myself harshly. If hippy dippy yoga mindfulness is responsible for that, call Lady Hippy Dippy!
I’ve been finding that about myself too! I’ve been thinking about writing a post that’s basically, “Did yoga turn me into a Type B personality?” Because I am so much more go-with-the-flow on EVERYTHING and so more family/friend/important stuff oriented and less caught up in the little dramas. I feel like yoga has played a big part in that!
Oh labia-plasty. The curiosity can really increase when you have another pair (?) available for constant comparison.
And shut-the-front-door…I might actually be able to do a bridge or wheel if I just keep at it? I have “yoga?” on my calendar for tonight. Consider the question mark erased.
Literal LOL at the first part of your comment.
And I have never, ever believed people who say one can do yoga things if only they keep at it. Like, no. But…maybe? Maybe this is a tiny bit true? And given how I consider statements that to apply to everyone but me, my thought is that you’ll be able to do it for sure!
Wow!!! I’ve been doing yoga for about 2 months and I’m still so intimated by balance poses. This gives me hope!
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