This morning, I came across We Never Look Up, a Tumblr where an anonymous photographer posts the photos he snaps of everyday people looking down at their phones.
The photographer told Mashable:
“My inspiration was mainly commuting to work. Seeing people sitting in buses with their heads down, walking from point A to B without looking straight, waiting on trains and trams, silent, heads bowed down. And seeing people sitting in cafes and restaurants across from each other, using their phones, not uttering a word. You know, basic behavior nowadays.”
He also said he isn’t judging the behavior (provided it’s not dangerous to others) and that he just wanted to document it.
While he might not be judging, I’ve noticed a lot of hand-wringing about our plugged-in culture and comments like the photographer’s, about people sitting next to each other and not speaking because they are on their phones. And I think it might be a bit of an overreaction. While there are definitely some gross things about the smartphone obsession (from the effects on our bodies to the effects on our relationships), and there are certainly times when I have to detach myself from the phone or tablet and go do something human again, I can’t say that I think this culture of never looking up is as bad as some make it out to be.
Part of this probably comes from the fact that I never looked up even before technology was as present as it is now; I was a kid with her face in a book all the time. And commuters have always made their trip easier with books, newspapers, and magazines. So for a lot of people, myself included, having your face in your phone is just an extension of that. But people tend to assume that being on your phone means you are doing something stupid or shallow or unenlightened, that experiencing the “real world” is somehow more noble than what you’re experiencing on your phone. And in plenty of cases, that’s probably true. But there’s also the very real possibility that people are on their phones creating good work, connecting with others, or simply being entertained. So while there’s absolutely something to hearing your friend’s voice, there’s also something about being able to catch up with your friend more often because you can do it without hearing her voice.
As for the people at the cafe who are on their phones instead of talking, I know Eric and I have been in similar situations before, and while I know how it looks to some outsiders (“kids these days…”), I also know that it’s actually not a big deal. Why? Because Eric and I talk all the damn time. Taking a break to communicate with others or to read something interesting is a good idea once in a while. When we scroll through our phones at breakfast, I don’t see it as much different than the scene from 50 years ago of a couple reading different sections of the paper at breakfast. That doesn’t mean there aren’t times when I say, “OK, enough with the screens, let’s be human again” when we’ve been doing it for a while. But that’s the thing; I say that. Because even though I love everything my phone can do, I also love spending time with Eric and appreciating the whole reality of him, rather than his image or typed words.
I do wonder if some of the differences in opinions here are generational. When I was at SXSW last year, I had a really interesting conversation with Elizabeth Bernstein, the relationship columnist for the Washington Post, about how we communicate nowadays. She was of the belief that texting just leads to problems in relationships and that it’s a terrible thing to text big news or share it through Facebook. But I suggested that for a generation who has been communicating via quickly-written words for years, perhaps we’ve developed a more nuanced way of doing it that means we don’t actually experience the breakdown in conversation or misunderstandings she found so common. (I know that whenever I text with anyone who is more than three years older than I am, there is a noticeable difference in how they text — a lot more “u” “2″ and abbreviations like that.) I would say most of my friends and I are pretty good at communicating tone extremely clearly via text, chat, or email. And because that’s how we communicate and how we prefer to communicate, we often aren’t offended by receiving big news that way. (Frankly, when my phone rings, my first thought is that somebody died.)
I’m kind of over the assumption that being on your phone a lot and never looking up is a bad thing or signals the death of something sacred. If one person wants to talk and the other person is on his or her phone during their entire hangout, yeah, that’s a problem. But if both people are into what they are doing, or the person is alone, I say, carry on.
I’d love to hear your thoughts on this! Do you judge people who never look up or who look at their phones and don’t talk to each other? Or do you do it and think it’s totally not a big deal?
{ 37 comments… read them below or add one }
I don’t have a problem with the culture of not looking up, but I am slightly bothered by the culture of constantly wearing earbuds. It used to be that any time I walked anywhere, even if it was just through the hall to the bathroom, I wore headphones. Sometimes I’d wear them even if I wasn’t listening to anything, so that no one would talk to me. (At University of Michigan, there are people outside heckling you constantly, and I hate saying no to people or obviously ignoring them.)
Working on a college campus, though, it actually started to bother me just how much earbuds cut us off from each other and everything going on around us. I’m not sure if that switch came from the change of scenery (my current university has a much different campus and culture than my undergrad), from going from a student to an authority figure (sort of), or growing up. I still wear headphones when I run, or if I’m actually commuting somwhere on foot, but I no longer wear headphones for short walks across campus, or when I go to the store, for example.
There are times when I think you should be looking up/paying attention for safety reasons {i.e. crossing the street – my elevator keeps repeating the statistic that pedestrians on their phones are 4x more likely to get hit} and while I wholly agree that we are a generation of people who grew up on phones/computers/internet & it IS an ingrained part of our communications, I also think some of our generation has lost touch w/ manners & courtsey. Don’t talk on your phone in a small, silent cafe. Put down your phone while you’re checking out at a register. And when you’re interacting with another human being – especially in a social environment – you should give them your full attention.
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That’s true about the manners, but I do think sometimes we judge people more harshly for breaking these social rules if they involve technology. For example, people get pissy about phone conversations in public places, even if the phone conversation isn’t necessarily any louder than a real-life conversation would be. While I think that the distraction thing can be pretty obnoxious, I try to consider whether it’s any more obnoxious than a person distracted by their kid or their friend or anything else, and if it’s not, I blame the person for being an asshole, not the technology.
Uh…I definitely judge my own husband for being a technology addict all the time!
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I totally don’t judge when I see people with their faces in their phones. When I’m at home, I’m practically attached to my iPad. I’d probably stay plugged in all day if I had a smartphone.
When Josh and I spend time together, we don’t always have to be talking or looking at each other. There are plenty of times when he’s playing his video games or watching something on Netflix, and I’m sitting next to him checking Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest, Instagram… and that’s okay because there are plenty of those real human moments for us too–walking around a bookstore, taking car trips, hanging out with his family or just snuggling. (Plus, I’m with you on the whole ’50s newspaper scene; I don’t see our plugged-in moments as much different from the times we’re each reading in bed or something).
But I definitely think there’s a time and a place for all this looking down business. Like, having lunch with a friend you don’t see every day is not the time to be checking your phone. (I’ve actually snatched my sister’s iPhone and told her she could have it back when she paid attention to me; we only get to see each other once a week or so, and I don’t want to spend my time watching her text and check Facebook.)
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My first thought about the tumblr was, and I know this isn’t necessarily your point, but these people are commuting. Do you talk to people in other cars when you drive? I have learned/gleemed the best etiquette with the NJ/NY metro, and definitely from my daily bus/rail commute here in HTown, unless you know them the best policy is head down, no eye contact. if, in the middle of a paragraph you look up see a friendly eye maybe then, small chat if you can find a topic. But some people look at you weird. I mean, these are random strangers, not a girl at Lush who also loves Lush, and well there you have common ground. know what I mean?
There is a line. Like at dinner or parties. I like the idea of the cellphone stacking game. Stack phones in the middle of the table through dinner, first one to take has to pay. If everyone makes it through, you just take your own. I personally hate phone calls, very much. I don’t know what to talk about. I get typing though, thought, send.
Your three years idea is interesting. I’m wondering if there is a socio thing going on there. I’m over 3 years and I type in full words. But I do remember when characters where an issue and you only had 140 or so per text, which cost per text sent, and I just remembered all that typing on the numbers business, blergh. I got cellphones after 18-20 though, so maybe I was lucky to not be stuck using single characters because I was older when I learned? I’m wondering if three years from you is that time where characters mattered (that cap at 150?) and that’s what was ingrained. Like how I can’t stop saying pop after learning it in Colorado when I was 15. I got stuck there. Seem more like 20 years is the break for our tones to not match. Technology. Very interesting Topic.
You’re spot on about the “head down” being the best policy on public transportation! I agree — sometimes people will ask you about the book you are reading, but in general, people don’t want to be bothered or bother others. They want to decompress or prepare for the work day ahead or hey, maybe even do some work; in any case, I see no issue with letting them have that. And you’re right; you don’t talk to other cars when you drive; you probably listen to music/a podcast. Isn’t that just the spoken version of what you’re doing when you’re on your phone?
Also, I’ve never heard of that cell phone game but it’s great! Really good idea if your circle of friends is just too plugged-in.
You have to look down or you’ll miss the change people drop. It adds up. Paul
p.s. my “50 year’s ago” sweetheart and I still read different sections of the paper at breakfast.
I find it interesting that the people you text with who are older than you use more abbreviations. I am older than you, and I hardly ever use abbreviations while texting. I dislike using them on Twitter but sometimes have to in order to fit the character limit.
I teach communication classes and can say with certainty (and also with theory/research) that there are many signs that face-to-face communication skills are starting to suffer as a result of our technological reliance. Students struggle with eye contact, often have a hard time creating linear thoughts, and generally struggle to express themselves verbally. I love technology and use it all the time, but I think we should be more cognizant to put our phones away when we’re out socializing with friends.
…are many signs that face-to-face communication skills are starting to suffer as a result of our technological reliance. Students struggle with eye contact, often have a hard time creating linear thoughts, and generally struggle to express themselves verbally.
I can totally see the truth in this. I’ve always struggled a little bit with verbally expressing myself and linear thought which is probably why I took to blogging, IMing, and texting very quickly. I think I was one of the first of my friends to start texting, and I still prefer to text or g-chat over a phone call.
I also think the concept of face saving, and our ability to save face has suffered as a result of increased technology mediated communication. People don’t consider saving face when they comment on Facebook or blogs, and just because you’re not making your nasty comment to someone’s face, doesn’t make you any less of an asshole. I’d argue it actually makes you more of an asshole. Not to mention the culture of over-sharing that has developed as, I think, a result of not “having” to save face on the internet.
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Love this post! (And that Tumblr!) I was thinking about this the other day when I nearly walked into someone because we were both looking at our phones. We exchanged a little glance, and I could see a little sheepishness from her that she realized that, maybe, we shouldn’t be looking so intently at our phones that we nearly walk into someone.
Obviously there’s a time and a place for it. I’ve seen people in business meetings look at their phones during the meetings, and it’s really rude, and I’ve definitely been at outings where everyone just stares at their phones, and I wonder why we’re all together if we’re not really present. That said, I’m guilty of it, too, and I definitely am trying to unplug just a tiny bit more.
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I think a lot also depends on culture – in our business meetings, it’s pretty much expected that you’ll also be on your laptop/phone and multitasking during the meeting. Not saying it’s good, but no one at my company considers it rude or even apologizes a little bit for it. I think part of it is the culture – we literally have meetings from 8am-6pm, and I joke that 6pm is when I get to start my work for the day. Multitasking during meetings (especially ones where only a small part pertains to me) is the only way I can leave the office before 10pm.
But, I’m glad to learn it’s different in other places – I would not have thought twice about doing it in a different office until now.
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I only judge the people who never look up from their phones when they step off the curb and into traffic without looking. My brakes get a heck of a workout because of people like this; most recent case was Thursday. Scary stuff!
I also think there’s a fine line between being “cut off” and adding another layer to the experience you might be having at the time. I run with headphones because I like to listen to music or audiobooks, but that doesn’t mean I ignore people that I pass by on the trail. At the trail by my apartment everyone greets each other; people on campus ignore each other, which is a different discussion…but I also don’t think that listening to music cuts me off. I’ve had people ask for directions before and such when wearing headphones, and I’ve also had people without headphones act more “cut off” than somebody who isn’t.
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I grew up in Tokyo in the ealry 80′s and even back then most people looked down, but as stated above it was usually on public transportation.
The texting thing is funny; I have two teenagers (so I am obviously much older than you) and I have always texted in full sentences with punctuation. In the beginning they made fun of me for it. Now they make fun of the parent’s who use the shortcuts for “trying to be cool”. The other day I replied “lol” to something my daughter had texted and her reply was “Mom, don’t”.
One of my friends calls this phenomenon “blue face,” for the way the glow of a phone’s backlight reflects off the user’s face. We all started to notice that even when we were out in big groups, we’d all stand around staring at our phones. Things got even worse when we discovered SnapChat and started sending pictures of ourselves making stupid faces to the people sitting directly across the table.
We decided to take control of the situation and institute a “phone game” policy whenever we all sit down to have a meal together. The game is pretty simple: we put all our phones face-down in a pile on the center of the table, and the first person to pick up his or her phone has to buy a round of drinks for the whole table. Sometimes we’ll change the “punishment” – for example, if we’re all very hung over, the first person to pick up his or her phone has to take a shot.
We LOVE the phone game. For one thing, it can be major shot of reality to see five or ten thousand dollars worth of technology sitting in a pile on a restaurant table. Face-down and with all different types of cases, a dozen or so iPhones only look like so much plastic. But it’s also great when we hear a phone ring and we all agree to let it go to voicemail. It’s nice to look around the table and know that everyone there feels like the group we have is enough. The conversation may not be elevated and we still make the same stupid jokes, but it’s nice to know that we can keep each other entertained without passing around YouTube videos and discussing the latest memes.
I love this game – I’m going to suggest this for my next big group dinner/night out!
At this point I feel like stuff like this is just trolling. It’s lazy writing because every five years there’s an onslaught of articles written by people wringing their hands over whatever the latest technology is and what’s IT’S DOING TO THE CHILDREN!! In the 80s, it was cable tv, the 90s the internet, in the early 2000′s ipods, now it’s this. There’s always going to be something new to distract us and there will always be people complaining about it or writing articles complaining about it.
Nice to read a different perspective, and I think it’s amazing how technology has made the world both smaller (in that we can easily form relationships and keep in touch with people over great distances) and larger (goodness, there is a lot of information out there).
While there are people out there using technology to better the world or their own lives, I have to say I’m not sure the net of all this screen time is positive. I think people are more exhausted trying to keep up with it all, more distracted, and wasting more time. I find myself having to use more self-control than I care to admit to resist my phone’s siren song when I’m with others or when physical work needs to get done.
When my two best girlfriends visited me from out of state, I got so irritated and their playing Words With Friends I finally called them out on it. These are smart, generally considerate women who didn’t think anything on the brink of rude was occurring. We’re all in our twenties but I felt like a dinosaur who doesn’t understand the new social code.
On a related note, here’s an article about an L.A. restaurant that gives a 5% discount for patrons who leave their phone at the door: http://www.sellingeating.com/what-a-beautiful-idea-5-off-your-bill-if-you-ditch-your-phone-while-youre-eating/
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Yes! I just found your blog and I seriously love it – I agree with everything you write! I hate the hand-wringing over this. Sorry but I’m not buying that I’m missing out on valuable life moments when I’m responding to emails on the bus. Texting with friends in other cities is more valuable to me than awkward eye contact with strangers around me. And it’s patronizing to imply that my boyfriend and I don’t know how to connect with each other because we are using our phones while together.
Hi! Welcome!
Also, this? “And it’s patronizing to imply that my boyfriend and I don’t know how to connect with each other because we are using our phones while together.” Totally gets at something that really bothers me about all of the tsk-tsking over people being too plugged-in! You nailed it.
Do not even get me started on this. I’ve watched so special reports about how smartphones and Facebook are the end of the world that I sometimes feel like I’m living in the Footloose town and texting = dancing. I’m positive there are some people out there that are too plugged-in for their family’s, friends’, and coworkers’ tastes, but then I don’t understand what that has to do with me. I don’t think it’s an epidemic or the loss of humanity any more than I think nail-biting and lip-smacking (other annoying habits) are, so, if you know an iEverything addict and it bugs you, just ask them to cut it out.
“sometimes feel like I’m living in the Footloose town and texting = dancing” Ha — so true!
AMEN. I completely agree with this entire post. I believe that it definitely is a generational thing though, since my parents just don’t “get” the obsession with phones and being connected in that way. I do; however, feel a little bothered when I see families out to eat at restaurants (nice places too, not just McDonalds) and all of the children are sitting at the table looking down and clearly listening to music or playing video games while the parents just stare at each other in silence. It seems as though younger generations will be even more connected and “looking down” than young adults who are in their 20′s and 30′s now.
Really great post, Rachel! I definitely agree with you. While it can get to be a little much (but isn’t that also true of things like watching television that have been around for much longer?), overall I think technology opens us up to a world of information and culture that we never would have been exposed to otherwise. I allows us to communicate more often! And things like facebook have helped me stay in touch with people that I’m sure I would have fallen out of contact with otherwise. It’s unfair to paint things like smartphones with such a broad stroke.
I agree most people on here that screens are not an issue. I was also that kid in class that was always reading, so I’ve always been a ‘heads down’ type of person. However, the problem I have is when a group of people together are constantly on their phones instead of interacting with each other – I can get being interrupted but I have a few friends that are constantly on the phone during dinner or out at the bar. It makes the rest of us feel…well, not good enough. I’m not very outgoing to begin with, so competing for attention with people that aren’t even there is hard for me. Especially if they’re just playing games.
Also, while I have no problems with exchanging big news via text or email (as long as its an actual message and not just someone changing their status from ‘in a relationship’ to ‘married’ which is a real life example of what one of my really good friends did), I do have a problem with trading text/emails when there are actual issues to discuss. I have had my tone ‘misheard’ through emails enough time to realize that email is not the best way to hash out an argument.
I totally agree that it seems like the whole “technology = no actual human connection” thing is overblown (though, as another comment pointed out, there are side effects with some of the younger generations, like lack of eye contact, problems with linear thinking, etc.). For me, personally, I’m so plugged into my smartphone all the time because it actually lets me communicate with people. Literally none of my friends live anywhere near me since I’ve graduated college, so text, e-mail, twitter, and all the rest of that are how I actually stay in touch with the people I care about. To me, it’s just like sending and receiving a snail mail letter, only more immediate, obviously.
While it may be over-hyped, I actually do think this behavior is a huge problem. The fact is, technology does change how we relate to one another. It always has. I think it is naive to assume that all of these changes are necessarily positive and represent some kind of inevitable “progress.” I know a lot of young people who really cannot have an extended conversation because of the constant, sporadic “connections” they have via phones and social media.
As a teacher, I see three things that are of huge concern and are definitely on the rise as these kinds of technology proliferate: 1) Lack of in-depth critical thought–students are used to “finding an answer” not thinking about a problem or wondering about anything. 2) Lack of proper communication skills–when I first saw ‘u’ in a paper I thought it was a fluke; now, it’s common. There’s no sense of appropriate audience, and it is difficult to change this. 3) Lack of boundaries–enforcing a no cell-phone policy (which I deem highly necessary) is an endless battle. Students actually do not believe they can go 75 minutes without a device. This is sad. I do think there’s a benefit to being able to entertain oneself.
I’m not saying that these technologies are all bad, of course. People simply need to be purposeful in how they use them. For example, if you know you don’t want to be bothered on the subway, then by all means put your head down and engage with your phone or iPad. But my concern is that these technologies are not designed to promote purposeful use (this is the difference between a phone and a book, I would say); they’re designed to get us lost in them, staring mindlessly at them, thoughtlessly connected to them. And that is something to worry about.
What’s interesting to me is that you said “young people” and for the first time, I realized, Oh, I’m not in that group. When I think about how this affects people, I’m thinking people in their late 20s-early 30s. But I’m sure it’s a completely different story for actual young people, like your students. I’m sure there’s a huge difference in how they interact with technology both because they’ve had it their entire lives (while we got it in our teen years, and it really became ubiquitous in adulthood) and also because they don’t have the experiences/life skills to sort of put technology in a larger context like an adult can. So I suppose I’m looking at this from an adult POV (also, most of the people on the Tumblr are adults so I wasn’t even thinking about teens when I wrote) and talking about how it affects adolescents is probably an entirely different conversation!
As I read and respond to this I’m in fact in a presentation about law and ethics in the practice of psychology. I think, obviously, there is something to be said for face-to-face communication as it’s the basis of my profession. And yet the world that is opened up as a result of what’s available via technology is remarkable. As both a “digital native” (term I learned today vs. “digital immigrant”) and also the girl who had her head in a book, more is not always better but more provides the opportunity for more of better. Not all books are literature and not all use of technology is important. But the ability for someone living in a remote location can connect with someone else with a love of cooking, or with a rare disorder, is worth it. Just as my enjoyment of the Babysitter’s Club did not cancel out my love of Little Women or omg Anne of Green Gables.
This is an argument at home though. R just got her very first smart phone (last week!) and so I’ve been much more connected than she has to this world and often she complains about my habit of checking my phone while we’re spending time together…she values sitting side by side on the couch reading (hard copy books or e-books) over reading emails, tweets or even blogs.
I thought this post was interesting…while I have zero problem with people using their phones as long as they are safe, I do wonder what kids are taking in as a message about this. I teach in an elementary school and its interesting to see different families’ views on technology use. I also think its funny that I am 5 years older than my boyfriend and I use my phone for waaaay more than he does. And he’s a terrible texter! He actually calls…to chat. I’ve grown to love it, but the first time I was definitely like “do you need something?” OVER AND OVER.
Is it odd that I am a 27 year old woman and I HATE texting? I feel like that shouldn’t be the case given my generation, but I can’t stand typing on my tiny phone. I love IM and do that constantly when I’m on my computer, but if someone texts me, I usually call them. I think email is a much better medium – you still get the email instantly (since, let’s be honest, there is almost no one without a smartphone these days) but if you are near a computer, you can type instead of tap out a message with your thumbs. Of course if I am not near a computer, I’ll reply on my phone, but I think it’s so nice to have the option to respond via phone or computer! I feel like text messaging will eventually go obsolete since email is the same thing, now that our phones are internet-powered.
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It’s not odd! I have a really good friend who hates it too! I like it better than calling and I like email a lot too. I also like the Gtalk app, which basically means I one person can be on her phone and the other can be on Gchat on her computer.
i love what you said about how it’s fine for you and eric to be on your phones when you’re with each other. i mean, you live together. that’s exactly how i feel when i go to dinner with my roommates. we probably look rude when we all take a minute to respond to things on our phones, but we have plenty of opportunities for interaction.
i will say, i started classes today as a post-bacc, and it really is amazing how many students i saw texting all throughout class under the table. it’s situations like that, when real things going on are being ignored, it crosses the line into being rude.
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I completely agree. I think it’s totally fair for instructors to ban phones during class. It’s rude, distracting for other students, and it’s distracting for the texter. If something is that crucial, step outside you know?
I am one of those curmegeons who think technology has made communications more shallow but you make some great points. Those that have grown up in a more technology-centered life are going to think that it is completely normal to be on their phones (or other tech toys) most of the time. It is their “norm.” For me, I have a problem when people are walking and not paying attention to the world around them (traffic, others, life in general) and it feels almost sad that people can’t enjoy a walk down the street or through a park without being “attached” to something. I also see it at major events (sporting events, concerts) where people are more concerned with what is on that tiny screen rather than being part of the excitement around them.
I hope that makes sense. I think constantly being “connected” via technology makes us less connected and considerate, sometimes, to the immediate world around us.
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Okay, I am definitely guilty of both looking at my phone while walking into a telephone pole and of judging people who do that. Oops. I totally appreciate the point you are making; it’s made me realize that I need to ease off of my tsk-tsking. And I absolutely agree that, when on public transportation, it’s just as appropriate as reading a magazine or book.
However, I do have concerns about the dependency we have on our phones, in terms of it being a comfort object. Sometimes, when Adam goes to the bathroom at the bar, I’ll catch myself reaching for my phone because…I can’t sit still for five minutes by myself? Or, walking into a slightly uncomfortable situation – a party where I don’t really no anyone, or a work meeting with a new group – while looking at my phone. Maybe I’m trying to look busy or important? I’ve also watched a couple sitting across from each other at a very fancy meal, feeling awkward for whatever reason, and turning to their cell phones for a distraction or comfort.
While I do think I need to exercise more open-mindedness about the cell phones, I think that there is a time and a place for everything. I also think that we need to be careful to not turn to our phones when we feel slightly awkward. There’s value in facing uncomfortable situations without a security blanket and we need to be present to gain it.