Yesterday, I came across the Bitch Magazine article “Better Homes and Bloggers“ through Deva’s blog. “Are lifestyle blogs a new way for women to compare themselves and come up short?” it asks. This is the kind of meta conversation that I love, and this one happens to bring up some issues that I’ve thought about a lot lately. While the discussion about whether or not bloggers are “real” isn’t that interesting to me (I think there are a lot of perfectly good reasons a blogger may choose to keep her blogs positive, including, um, not being an asshole to friends/family/coworkers on the Internet) and I have mixed feelings about the whole “I compare myself to these bloggers and feel inadequate!” thing, the part that I really got into was the discussion on privilege, class, and diversity as it relates to the lifestyle blogosphere.
From the article:
“For many, blogging is a relatively easy, low-cost way to share personal anecdotes and explore interests in an accessible medium. And, in contrast to mainstream lifestyle media (Real Simple, Martha Stewart Living) that tends to be more intent on raising ad revenue than bolstering women’s spirits, lifestyle blogging puts representation into the hands of the homemakers themselves. At the same time, there is something a bit uncanny about the genre…coupled with the focus on domesticity and the home, bloggers start to resemble a contemporary, superwoman version of a stereotypical 1950s housewife. These women don’t just maintain squeaky-clean, camera-ready homes and adorable families, they also run independent businesses, wear perfect outfits, rock exquisitely styled hair — and find the time to blog about it.
…It is also worthwhile to point out what kind of lifestyle is being promoted and who the face of it is. Perhaps it’s not surprising that the most popular lifestyle blogs, the ones with the largest readerships and tendency to be featured in other media, are usually authored by Caucasian, middle-class, straight women. Claudette, who is black, remarked that the lifestyle blogs she reads are like an extension of mainstream society’s preference for ‘happy white women,’ and could not think of any lifestyle blogs by black or Latina women, though obviously they exist. Another reader echoed this sentiment, stating that while she felt there was an Asian-American presence, especially among blogs focusing on fashion and style, she recognized a strong whiteness to the world of lifestyle blogging.
…So while lifestyle bloggers can rightly claim that their ‘choice’ (that is, their privilege) to not work outside the home, their choice to be primary parents to their children, and their excitement about rewallpapering their downstairs bathroom is just that — an individual choice. But an accumulation of such choices promotes a homogenous narrative indistinguishable from those that have come before. And no amount of glitter can freshen that up.”
I actually don’t read many lifestyle blogs, mainly because I find them sort of boring — acquiring pretty things is quite low on my list of priorities these days. I tend to browse that section of my Google Reader when I’m in need of a pretty distraction; these blogs are like my version of reality TV. (Which is probably why it doesn’t bother me that they are carefully edited and not totally “real.”) But last year, as I sought blogging inspiration in many different niches, I started to pay more attention to them…and that’s when I really started to notice the problems outlined above. And I started to think about it meant for me, and for other women like me.
What the article in Bitch is saying is saying is absolutely true: lifestyle blogs are overwhelmingly white and well-off, and it’s frustrating that women of color and working women aren’t better represented. But…duh. Who has time for living the aesthetically-pleasing life and writing about it when she’s busy winning bread? (Or, in my case, trying to make enough bread to pay back all the loaves she bought on credit to put herself through college.) Not a lof of women — and I think that’s a huge factor in who is represented by lifestyle blogs (and healthy living blogs). Yes, blogging can be a low-cost way to share personal anecdotes…but successful blogs don’t come cheap. Blogging is time-consuming as hell and that time is absolutely a privilege. While I don’t begrudge anyone for having that time (and I actually think a lot of creatives dream of being supported by someone so they can focus on creating instead of on making money), I think this hurdle is what keeps most women who work outside the home from having successful blogs, particularly blogs in a genre that relies heavily on beautiful pictures and relatively time-consuming leisure activities. I say this as a woman juggling a full-time job and a few part-time ones, and who considers it a huge victory every time she hits “publish” on a post. (Seriously, every single time, I’m just like…amazed that I pulled it off, mainly because so many days, so many posts, I don’t.) Despite the fact that my jobs are relatively flexible and pretty enjoyable — two huge privileges that I’m incredibly grateful for, and that make me, um, not that much of an improvement on a lot of these lifestyle bloggers in terms of representing the average working woman of color — it’s still hard for me. I’ve noticed that the blogs that I follow that seem to be a little more grounded, a little more relatable, a little more diverse, tend to pretty much all be multi-author blogs, and I don’t think that’s an accident. With each passing week, I become more convinced that running a successful blog is a full-time job in its own right (but, of course, if you leave a “regular” job to blog full-time, you suddenly lose the thing that made you relatable to working women in the first place). So of course most women are going to say, “Fuck it.” Of course the women who have time and financial support are going to dominate this area.
And that’s a shame. I mean, I don’t blame anyone for not wanting to have a blog on top of a full-time job. And I don’t resent anyone for having the time or means to write about her life, nor do I think anyone who has that time has a responsibility to represent my life. So I don’t really have a solution (and neither does Bitch) but it’s something I think about quite often.
{ 42 comments… read them below or add one }
I absolutely loved reading this! Infact I love all your work on here :) I keep a blog myself on blogger, and would love to get it out there more and gain more readers…any advice?
Yes yes yes yes!
I only skimmed the article for now, but one thing I didn’t seem to address (though admittedly I might’ve missed it) is the general lack of self-awareness bloggers seem to have with regard to the privlege of time. They’re all willing to admit it’s an editted version of their life or whatever, but it seems so rare to have a blogger actually recognize and admit just how damn lucky they are to have the time to take 300 photos of their chocolate cake, edit said photos to look like something out of a magazine, and post childhood anecdotes about chocolate cake for each of their daily posts.
That lack of acknowledgement was one of the things that really made me crazy about the whole “eat healthy on food stamps challenge” that took place a while back. So few bloggers addressed the fact that it is a privlege to have the time to sit down for 4 hours, plan your meals, clip coupons, scope out store sale papers, and visit multiple grocery stores to get the best deal on their organic bananas.
Time is a privlege not everyone has. I’d love to post daily with beautifully shot and edited photos, but I don’t have time. Like you, I consider it a victory every time content is published, and it’s an epic win if people seem to actually like said content!
Stina recently posted..March Goals
Oh God, that food stamps thing was so, so painful.
This!
I really liked that article and your response. I really agree with the preminance of “happy white women” when it comes to mainstream blogging.
One of my favorite things to do is find smaller “undiscovered” blogs that I enjoy and interestingly a number of them are Eastern Europe/Far East-based. I’m having a lot of fun reading about lifestyle/fashion in countries I’ve never visited, it’s a fun, unique look into a different life/lifestyle.
Moi Contre La Vie recently posted..Pencil Skirt: From Day-To-Night
Brilliant post, Rachel. Love that you shared your thoughts on this topic. I know a few friends who would love to have blogging be their full time job because they are passionate about it and truly love it. I’m curious about your mixed feelings regarding readers and the comparison trap and would love for you to share more!
I have a feeling I’m going to write more than one comment on this because, as usual, you’ve brought up a lot of good points that I’m trying to wrap my head around. Before i even saw your post this morning, i was thinking about you and wondering how you manage to post as much as you do with such quality content on top of writing for now two (?) other amazing blogs and working full time. It’s nice to hear more about you having flexible job(s), but it’s clear you are incredibly talented and have something important to say. And manage to say it here. By the time I eek out the time to sit down and write to my blog, I often sit for 15 minutes in a meditative state trying to remember what it was I was going to say 8 hours earlier when I was actually inspired to write. I am a good writer, but my ability is still locked inside getting weak with lack of practice along side my yoga muscles.
Just this weekend, I had my jealousy monster rear its ugly head because we went to visit our friends for a party, a couple, who through tons of hard work, built a successful business and recently sold it for a ton. They are now hanging out in their big house, remodeling another house, taking care of their one year old and waiting for the snow report to go skiing. This is not the whole story, but compared to mine, I feel defeated and lost.
While we shouldn’t compare ourselves to others, because it isn’t healthy for our well-being or productivity, when social trends emerge as being no different or at least a regurgitation of the norm – privileged, white women with the freedom to write about wallpapering – from the 50s, it’s worth taking a look at the larger construct of how to find and diversify the voices that are heard. And on top of it all, what do we want to hear from these voices? Intelligent, thoughtful writing rarely comes out of blogs written by privileged white wallpaperers, and that’s not what the readership reads for.
Thank you for the compliments; I really appreciate your kind words about my blog! As for how I manage to do it…well, without getting to down on myself, I guess I’ll say that I don’t feel like I’m really holding it together…as I said in my post, there are so many posts I am dying to write (particularly the more meaty ones) that take me SO long to get to, if I get to them at all. While I definitely keep my writing muscle flexed writing for other outlets and at work, I guess I have the problem that it’s overworked, and by the time I can get here, I have very little creative energy left! But honestly, the fact that I don’t see more working-outside-the-house bloggers is what’s kept me motivated lately; someone has to at least try, you know?! So, to answer your question of how I do it, I get up really early and don’t have weekends off. I take time wherever I can get it!
If you’re looking to tone your writing muscle, my best advice is to write every day and try using Tumblr, which lends itself to short posts and responses to other blogs/articles/etc. It’s a great way to get back in shape (so to speak).
As for your question, “what do we want to hear from these voices?”…that was something that was on my mind as I was writing this! I mean, is it possible for a lifestyle blog written by a working-outside-the-house woman going to look all that similar to the lifestyle blog of a woman who is a SAHM and a full-time blogger? I think it’s certainly possible (and I absolutely believe some privileged SAHMs could contribute intelligent, thoughtful voices to many important conversations)…but as someone who is working and doing “lifestyle blogging” (ish) I’ve quickly realized, Yeah, no, you’re not going to see the same kind of content on my blog because the things that matter to me right now are just so vastly different than someone who isn’t worried about money, time, or her career. And I don’t feel like the things that matter to me are inherently better, I just literally cannot imagine writing about, like, the expensive products that I’m craving right now. I try to write the blog I want to read but I’d really love to hear more on the topic of what people want to hear from these less-privileged bloggers, as that’s something I’ve been wondering too.
1: Thank you for the hat tip and
2: I totally agree, and the more that I’ve thought about this article (I actually read it three. times. before writing my own post) the more that it really does make sense. I read a few lifestyle bloggers but lately I’ve been looking for more meat and potatoes, more thought and less projects, as much as I like pretty pictures. There is a LOT of privilege out there in the popular blog world, and even I have to cheer every time I write a good post and press “publish” (or in my case, “schedule,” since I’m often blogging really late in the day while watching the History channel).
3: The one thing I hesitated to touch on with some of the more privileged lifestyle bloggers is the content harkening back to a world where there was an idealized June Cleaver sort of wife or woman. I’ve been really into reading a lot of Feminist tomes right now, as well as shorter collections (you should see the stack of books I have out from the library, as well as the stack I dug out of the basement from when I was in college). Many of these books were published 5-6-10 years ago but still hold relevance, and they all discuss this phenomenon, which to me, at least, surmises backlash. Of course, I have a small collection of evangelical Christian lifestyle bloggers in my collection, which may influence that a bit, but not all evangelicals think that way, so I REALLY hesitate to put people into a box like that, too.
deva by definition recently posted..Small Confessions
Yes, to all of this. I really struggle with keeping up a blog — I’m so engaged in volunteer and professional work that I just don’t have it in me to create what I feel like a blog is SUPPOSED to look like now.Giveaways, posts that do nothing but point out all the latest expensive Kate Spade baubles, such stylized shoots…. I try to keep a nice apartment but at any given time, there’s dirty laundry on the floor.
I don’t know — It just doesn’t seem like most of the women who have the big, successful blogs are building a career in the same way I am — which is fine, but…. makes me feel apples to oranges in terms of what I can produce versus what they can produce. I also feel like in order to be truly successful at lifestyle blogging, you have to be thin, white, have long hair, and be conventionally pretty.
Dallas recently posted..Bits & bobs: February 18th, 2013
I agree with the successful part in terms of descriptors, which I personally think sucks. Some of the most interesting bloggers I read don’t fit any of that mold, and while I do (at least for now. I’m cutting my hair off after my wedding), I hate that there’s a mold. We aren’t coming out of that blasted dolly maker from the nineties (sidenote: anyone else remember that? it was like an easybake oven but for little rubber dollies), we are all people, and as people IT IS OKAY TO BE DIFFERENT.
deva by definition recently posted..Small Confessions
“makes me feel apples to oranges in terms of what I can produce versus what they can produce” SO MUCH THIS. Sera kind of asked this above but…what does a lifestyle blog of someone more like me or you even look like? I mean, I guess I can sort of answer that question, but I think we are influenced by how these other blogs look and their content and it’s hard to ignore that when creating a blog that is, essentially, about lifestyle (but a completely different one).
I kind of feel like we need to define a new genre (or sub-genre)…let them have apples and focus on defining oranges, you know?
Yep. Like, I get that the best way to build a successful blog is to post a million times a week, but I’d rather post three times a month and have content I adore than churn out what I view as sub-standard posts.
Oranges are awesome, man. I wanna be the best darn orange I can be.
Dallas recently posted..Bits & bobs: February 18th, 2013
There is plenty of room for oranges. I think we do need to carve out an orange niche. It’s clear there is room for one since I seek out orange niche blogs rather than fluffy pretty blogs. We don’t need to try to turn pro through being the same as others. A Practical Wedding is a perfect example. If there wasn’t any room for anything different, Meg’s site would not have grown to the popularity it has.
Also, blogging doesn’t have to abide by the typical rules because we don’t have to wait for a publisher to have our voices heard. It’s just a matter of finding each other and growing our orange niche.
Now, if we can only get as much work done as Rachel…
sera recently posted..week nine: start where you are.
LET’S MAKE AN ORANGE NICHE!
Seriously though…I want to carve out a place for working women lifestyle blogs. How do we make this happen?! I mean, obviously, I would like to host others’ content on my blog, that’s one solution, but I’d also like to rally the other women like me/us who want to do this. Let’s make it happen!!
I’m in! Just help me with ideas. I’m so tired from working. ;P
sera recently posted..week nine: start where you are.
I’m in for sure.
deva by definition recently posted..Small Confessions
There is absolutely room, and an audience, I believe, for us, the oranges – the woman bloggers and writers who don’t necessarily fit the “happy, rich white women” mold. (I mean, okay, yes, I’m a white woman, and yes, I’m pretty happy, but I’m not rich and I don’t have hours during the day to spend taking photos in natural light of my outfit, or my cake. I’ve never even baked a cake.)
I do think it would be pretty rad to have a multi-contributor website for the oranges. There are so many interesting perspectives out there from women who may not have the time to devote to running their own blog, but who have something to say that others would appreciate. Now, I say that and start thinking about doing it and get a little overwhelmed, but it’s an idea.
(Also, roomfororanges.com is available.)
Jacki recently posted..Breaking My Shopping Addiction
I mean, my long-term goal (and by long-term, I mean, this summer) is that this blog becomes that blog. This very issue is the main reason I started accepting guest posts. :)
START SENDING YOUR CONTRIBUTIONS IN, LADIES AND GENTS! (OK, well, feel free to wait until April because my life will be bananas until then. But seriously!)
I stopped blogging for two main reasons. The first was professional – my blog world and my professional world began to overlap in small ways and that made me uncomfortable. My profession is not as an aspiring writer or professional blogger.
The second reason was the damage blogging was doing to my already fragile self esteem. I’m a person who compares myself and usually wind up feeling I’ve come up short. Blogging became an obsession with healthy living blogs and that fueled an ever growing list of All the Things I wasn’t doing right. This contributed to friction in my relationship (because I’m fortunate to have a partner who perceives me as doing many things if not right then very well). Intellectually, I knew that the high SES white women blogging were showing an edited version of their lives but I could not internalize that on an emotional level. So I stepped away. I now read only a few blogs and mostly those by women I have a personal relationship with.
I think writing, good writing, introspective writing, is a rare find on blogs. Especially those that monetize. It’s hard to attract advertisers when you’re writing about controversial and emotional topics. Yet, yet, those are the blogs I would want to read. But how can those really compete in a world geared toward product placements and selling a vision of a particular lifestyle. The comparison to reality TV is apt. I want to read NPR – writing by real women grappling with real issues. Yet Real Housewives is what sells. And the time and effort to think and write about real issues? That is a privilege of time (and time is money). No wonder the narrative of life in the blogosphere is so narrow.
“I don’t blame anyone for not wanting to have a blog on top of a full-time job. And I don’t resent anyone for having the time or means to write about her life, nor do I think anyone who has that time has a responsibility to represent my life.”
This is about where I end up when I start thinking about this topic. Because, really, it’s not a rich 21-year-old Mormon stay-at-home-mom’s responsibility to represent my life as a decidedly not rich 28-year-old agnostic stepmom who works multiple jobs. It’s just not. And it’s not my place to tell her that she shouldn’t be writing online about being white, rich, Mormon, 21 and a mom with an amazing wardrobe. (That life seems boring to me, but whatev.)
It would be easy to look at some of these lifestyle blogs and feel bad for not living that way. But then I think about the sheer amount of time involved in creating one short post and think of how many other ways I’d rather spend the little free time I do have. And if I’m comparing myself to that and feeling inadequate … whose problem is that, really? I see a lot of people criticizing bloggers for “making them feel bad about themselves.” But I don’t think these bloggers are sitting there going, “I want working moms to feel like shit today.”
Is there a lack of self-awareness on the part of these bloggers, absolutely, I am sure that for many of them there is. When you grow up in privilege you sometimes don’t recognize it as such. I certainly didn’t, until I “fledged” from it. And now I try to write something worth reading about real life as I experience and understand it, and I seek out reading materials online that do the same.
Jacki recently posted..Some Weekend Thoughts
I tend to agree re: feeling bad for not living a certain way. While I absolutely think the larger media/brands that work these blogs should seek out a more diverse group, I don’t really blame individuals for “making” me feel bad. That’s not to say that I don’t sometimes have All the Feelings when I look at these blogs, but I also know when I need to click away and think about what’s going on in my life that’s causing me to compare. It sort of frustrates me that merely by existing and living their lives, they are accused of making other people feel bad. I’m sure there are some individuals who are rude/clueless/intolerant/lacking self-awareness, but on the whole, I don’t get the sense that they are telling me I need to do things their way. I think we have a problem in our culture with seeing other people’s lifestyle choices as attacks on our own.
Great response to the article. I agree with a lot of what you wrote. I think about these full-time “lifestyle” bloggers in this way: when I am spending time overanalyzing and documenting my life, do I really feel like I’m living it? No. It’s when I’m finding the flow in the day to day that I’m really enjoying life. So I just take them all with a grain of salt. What I DO love is when actually busy bloggers post their day-to-day schedules (down to the hour–I’m a nut). I’m such a voyeur and love seeing how people that get shit done make it work.
…That being said–your offhand comment about keeping things positive on the blog pinged something in me. I appreciate that for the sake of families/relationships/etc., you can’t air all of the dirty laundry. But it drives me BONKERS when there’s happy shiny “look how great our family/run/whatever is!” posts, designed to make readers think everything is enviable and great, and then the blogger lets on later that things were actually terrible and they were suffering from PPD (for example). Like, come on.
I’m fine with people not copping to all of the negative stuff or generally glossing over it. But it really irritates me when they try to portray everything as peachy keen when it is clearly not. It seems intentionally designed to mislead readers, and seems to reek of refusing to admit that they/their lives aren’t perfect. I’d prefer that they not post when they are going through something or simply acknowledge it with an annoying “vague post.”
Holly recently posted..Oh Hey March
Ah, this is an interesting discussion! I too prefer the vague acknowledgement, but I know some readers bitch about them or use that as a jumping off point for speculation. I have never really been in a position where I feel misled by a blogger (though I know Joanna Goddard came out about her PPD much later…btw if you read her blog, check out her comment on the Bitch article), but I suppose my reaction would depend on how they were portraying things leading up to it. If, for example, the blogger was talking about married life being so amazing and then come to find out she’s been going through a divorce, yeah, that’s kind of icky. But if she just stopped talking about married life altogether and focused on other things, I don’t think it would be as big of a betrayal. But in either case, I have to concede the really hard life stuff can be so hard and so overwhelming on its own that I guess I wouldn’t really hold it against someone if she got it “wrong” on her blog, as that’s not really something everyone just knows how to handle. But I also feel like some of this judgment probably comes down to how we feel about the blogger; if we like her, we’ll probably give her a pass, and if we don’t, then we’ll probably find it annoying.
Lots of things to discuss on this topic for sure!
This, so much this. It’s hard to know when to discuss what’s already overwhelming IRL that it’s easy to gloss it over, not out of lack of WANTING to share, but because there is a 50/50 chance that when you share something like, say, depression, you’ll get backlash for it in some way. Family stuff is next to impossible to share without making someone angry, and I especially work hard to keep my work life out of my social media world altogether.
deva by definition recently posted..Small Confessions
Interesting. I tend to read mostly healthy living blogs. I am a white, middle class woman. Of the 6 blogs I read every day, 4 are written by white gals (not all raised middle class), one by a Latina, and then this one. It appears that most of these women make a living wage from their blogs so… I’m not sure how that’s any different than working any other job? Why is that so “privileged”? What I look for is great content and a fun voice. I would love to read more diverse blogs but it does appear that there aren’t as many… however… aren’t white middle class people a very large segment of the population over all? I am trying to bring up some points I feel people are missing.
I tried to make a clear distinction between working at a job that is not blogging and blogging full-time. While blogging full-time is absolutely a job, it just does not present the same challenges that working for someone else does. A full-time healthy living blogger is literally being paid to work out and can work out whenever she feels like it, so personally, I don’t find as much value in her tips on fitting working out into your schedule or finding motivation. To be able to do that is a privilege. To get free workout gear and free classes at nice workout studios is also a privilege. To be able to afford a nice camera and take gorgeous photos during daylight hours is a privilege. These are privileges many working women just don’t have.
There’s also a distinction between earning enough income to support yourself from blogging and earning a nice little income from blogging while being supported by someone else. (There’s also a distinction between being a full-time healthy living blogger and a full-time writer or other creative who also happens to have a blog that brings in more work/income, but that’s another story.) But anyone who falls into the category of being able to blog because they have someone else who can give them financial support is privileged. A lot of bloggers make the leap from part-time to full-time when they have a partner who can help bridge any loss of income they might experience initially, or who can make up for the fact that blogging may bring you an income but it doesn’t bring you health insurance. Access to health insurance through your partner is a privilege.
And while white middle class people are a large part of the population, they certainly aren’t the whole population, and they definitely aren’t underrepresented in mainstream media or blogs. But women of color, poor women, trans women, gay women? They are. So maybe consider that you get to look for great content and a fun voice because you don’t have to seek out bloggers who look like you or who come from a similar background; it’s highly likely that most bloggers you come across will fit that description. That is a privilege.
Also, I apologize if I came across as harsh in that comment; I didn’t mean to be a dick to you for asking what was likely a really unassuming/genuine question. I swear it sounded nicer in my head.
I understand what you’re saying and I appreciate it. I wish there were more diverse representation in blog world. It would make things much more interesting! I don’t always want to read about people like me!
Wow – I think the comments have all ready touched on a lot of the awesome points you brought up. I just had a few quick thoughts:
- The reality TV comparison was spot on. There’s a new show called “Married to Medicine” on TV right now, and it’s interesting someone would rather watch that than say “Doctor Moms.” Maybe viewership does dictate these trends because someone has to be sitting around and reading about all these other SAHMs, right? Busy people don’t have time for that..?
- I like your idea about an Orange culture; I know I’d want to support and read about real people, real problems, real busy-ness. That said, won’t there always be subsets and hidden jealousies? I say that because isn’t your being overworked with multiple other jobs, more coming from a place of working towards your goals of being an accomplished writer than a place of needing to pay the bills? I don’t mean to say that in a mean-spirited way at all either; one of the reasons I love following you is watching how your journey unfolds, taking notes and whole heartedly believing in your professional writing. As you transparently said above, writing non-stop drains your creative output and that’s absolutely legit! I’m just sure someone who is bartending, babysitting, managing a grocery store – whatever – could be jealous that is your livelihood, too.
Also, one of the things I thought was hardest about blogging was dealing with the constant brag-fast or needing to think about how interesting my special snowflake story is. And I REALLY respect how you avoid this by straying from the meta bragging and fold your story into a bigger conversation (which in turn inspires readers to want to know more about your life day to day).
The bragging thing is interesting…I worry about that too, because I’ve been accused of it before and I had no clue that that was how it came across. But on the other hand, I kind of feel like…can’t all personal blogging be perceived as bragging (particularly by people who don’t like you to begin with)? I mean, by starting a blog, you’re saying that your life, your story, your thoughts, etc. are important and people should care. I also wonder if some of it has to do with the fact that women really aren’t supposed to brag; we’re supposed to be humble/grateful and not confident or proud of our achievements? And this kind of gets into the issue of sharing the good and the bad in a balanced way, because I feel like bloggers are expected to walk a super fine line. Be happy, but not too happy! Be confident but don’t brag! Ultimately, I guess I feel like if we like a blogger, we’re going to let things slide, and if we don’t like a blogger, we’re going to nitpick everything and see it all as negative.
Well, or I wonder if busy people do enjoy reading about SAHMs for the same reason a lot of working women watch reality TV — it’s an escape. I could see it going either way. Good point about how there’s no “Doctor Moms” though…very interesting. But yeah, I’m not sure if the main audience is similar people, or people who are completely different and like that about the blogs.
Re: subsets and hidden jealousies. Ya know, you’re right, but that’s also kind of sad. I guess the question is, How much do we need to relate to the people we’re reading about to like them? Why is everything a competition, or a perceived attack on our own lifestyles and choices? I think it’s fine to not relate to other people, but when it gets into extensive comparisons and an unhealthy amount of jealousy, I do wonder what the motivation behind that is. As for my writing, right now, I am definitely doing as much as I am to pay the bills. I really feel like I need a part-time job to get out of debt and live without money stress. So it’s awesome that I’m doing something that does both, because you’re right…bartending or babysitting wouldn’t. I’m definitely not the poster child for the working woman’s struggle!
With my comment, I was just trying to play Devils advocate a little and think of other sides and perspectives but ultimately when I actually think about it, a lot of people who I read (or watch) aren’t like me and that’s totally interesting without needing to mimic my life. It is sad that in general differences trigger fear or attack. Maybe because we lose the conversation through a blog. I don’t know.
I got this post in my inbox yesterday morning and truly thought about it ALL DAY. My little world was rocked. “But I like the shiny-happy-fluffy blogs!” and “Shit, I just wrote a post about quilting, am I crazy?”
I loved reading through the comments here this morning. I want in on this orange niche, for sure. Here are some of the things I’m thinking:
1. I rarely write about my f-t job or grad school on my blog. I guess I think those things are boring, because everyone has to do that stuff. Now, I’m thinking I had it wrong. It’s interesting BECAUSE we all deal with it. Sure, yippee for me that I sewed my first quilt, but maybe it’s *more* of an accomplishment because it took me > 3 months to find those 10 or 12 hours of sewing time between full-time work, grad school, marriage, yoga, home-ownership, etc. I need to give myself credit for that. So, when I write about making stuff, I want to place it in the context of how this fits into my REAL LIFE. I love this idea.
2. I often un-critically enjoy the shiny-happy-styled-pretty-vintage-crafty blogs of some full-time bloggers… un-ironic beehives hairdos and all. It is absolutely a form of escapism. When I’m picking a movie to watch, I don’t usually pick something violent or gritty. I want to watch something sweet (but not saccharine) or beautiful (but not fake). So, same with much of my blog reading. I like pretty things, and apparently I’m slightly ashamed to admit it ;)
3. But I do struggle when I start to compare my life to their lives (or, the carefully-presented public face of their lives). The jealousy! The feelings of inadequacy! And then I smack myself a couple of times and try to remember that I am damn lucky to have a job, a free ticket to grad school, a house that I can afford, the ability to pay all my bills <– that right there is privilege, too.
Errmmm, sorry for writing a novella, but I really was chewing on this all day yesterday. Thank you for the thoughtful content, Rachel. I know your plate is super full, but I think you've been doing a great job of mixing day-to-day content with bigger ideas. And thanks for the link to Deva's blog. I popped over, saw that she's in Cincinnati (my hometown!), and now I have a new blog to read.
emily hassman recently posted..Let’s talk about quilting.
1. I 100% agree with this, in terms of getting things to fit into your Real Life. I don’t write about my f/t job on my blog at all because I’m more comfortable not doing so. I’ll blog about at-home things.
2. Ditto. It is a form of escapisim, and sometimes I do find that I want to have that – the soft-focus shabby chic non-ironic beehive hairdo life. And then I think about what all must go into maintaining that and I laugh and trip over another cat toy full of cat nip.
AND.. what part of cincy are you in?? :-) It’s fun to meet another cincinnatian!
deva by definition recently posted..Slow and Steady
I was born in Cincy (lived in Silverton) but we moved away when I was 6. My extended family is still there and we visit a few times a year, so it feels like home! Home is where you spend Christmas, I think. I have family in Amberley Village, Madeira, and some on the Kentucky side of the river.
YAY for Cincinnati. If the whole year was like the month of May, I’d live there again ;)
emily hassman recently posted..Let’s talk about quilting.
Oh, Rachel, I have so many thoughts running through my head in response to this, yet I don’t really know where to begin. or do I? ;) Do you remember when that Marie Claire article came out like 2 years ago called “The Hunger Diaries” and it was about how healthy lifestyle bloggers in many ways were too meticulous about what they ate and how much they exercise to the point that it either represented their disordered eating/exercising behavior, or had the potential to incite it in others? Anyhow. I remember the incredible backlash the blogging community gave to the magazine in defense of these bloggers. And I stayed silent, afraid to announce on my blog that I did notice an alarming pattern. I was even more afraid to announce that I was a first hand example of the dangers of comparative blogging (I became bulimic for a year after becoming obsessed with losing my “final pounds” and finding thinspo in all of these bloggers who made it seem so easy). Anyhow, I began to piece together that the most well-read bloggers were all slender, white, upper middle class young women who were heteronormative, feminine and spending their free time baking and logging miles and meals. There is NOTHING inherently wrong with this; but I suppose I had a wake up call. We find very little diversity in race, class AND size amongst the most read “healthy lifestyle bloggers.” That said, the beauty of the interwebs is our ability to find the niche that we’re looking for. After I realized I needed more diverse voices to relate to (as a multiracial, bread-winning, vegan, Health-At-Every-Size(R) proponent), I found them. They were never far. And participating in these diverse dialogues has transformed me…for the better. It is interesting though to note that my readership was pretty large when I was writing about weight loss and emulating the norms I mentioned above. As a dissenting voice now, my readership has plummeted. People sure do love to watch bloggers weigh themselves and track their food ;)
Bella @ Feed Me, I’m Cranky recently posted..Why BMI is not a measure of health
I don’t read a lot of lifestyle blogs (I agree, it’s sort of like reality tv) and generally, if I do read one, it’s to admire amazing pictures and make myself jealous (pretending I’m trying to get inspiration, haha)
Personally, I think it’s sort of like when fashion bloggers are married to photographers… it’s almost like an unfair advantage. Someone setting their iphone up on a tripod doesn’t necessarily stand a chance… you know?
Hi Rachel! I just discovered your blog and fell down an hour long rabbit hole of reading old posts. A good rabbit hole, I swear. I’ve been struggling to find time to work on my own blog and an identity for myself that circles around this whole idea of lifestyle/perfection/etc. And to find other bloggers I feel I identify with. This whole article & your response was just what I needed today. Thanks for sharing & adore your blog.
Random start: it’s funny that I am the third Liz in a row to comment.
Actual comment: I’m a white, ruling/owning class chick who is working part time and schooling part time to eventually get into a full time graduate school program. I use ruling class to acknowledge the privilege that I am coming from a middle class family and marrying into a wealthy family. I do a lot of work with a group of young, activist philanthropists that are actively working to leverage white/economic privilege for social justice, particularly economic and racial justice, so I try to be really aware of the pitfalls of class and privilege, or at least acknowledge them when I’m participating.
I start with all of that info to acknowledge that as a white chick who reads a lot of healthy living blogs, I definitely see a ton of privilege (and not a lot of acknowledgment). And I struggle with how exactly to address any of this openly on my very, very small blog. I don’t blog full time (I’m in school and volunteering and doing part time work), but when I do blog, it’s generally about food, fitness, and fun adventures, which at times feels narcissistic and pointless. My favorite posts to write are the ones that involve a great deal of self reflection and authenticity, and they do seem to resonate with readers. But despite the fact that I don’t actually have a desire to monetize my blog, I do write a blog versus a journal for a reason: to engage in community. And I want to do that in an authentic way about real issues and fun things and everything in between.
I can acknowledge my white/economic privilege here and in other communities where I feel safe doing so. My blog is tiny and I DON’T invest a lot of time into it because I don’t have it, but I worry/wonder/think about how to address the deeper issues (including racial and economic privilege, and how they might relate to food/fitness) while also still feeling confident in writing a “this is what I did this weekend” post with a few pictures. I believe there is room for both, but as there is no “how to blog well and responsibly” manual, sometimes I fret so much that I end up feeling like it’s not worth it to blog at all, even though I think I have something to say!
Wow that was an intense comment. the TL;DR version: I’m white and privileged and have a tiny blog, and want to be authentic and thoughtful in my writing and reading and not compare myself and sometimes that’s effing hard so I end up paralyzed and not able to do anything.
LIz recently posted..Marathon Training Confessions
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